I'm reasonably sure Einstein was a dentist

Or possibly the tooth fairy

22 notes

New Zealand Parliament - Unparliamentary language

This is a list of all the terms that New Zealand MPs have slung at each other over the years which have been deemed “unparliamentary” (plus some that were called into question but ultimately allowed).

It is the best thing I have seen all day, and I am sobbing.

Filed under new zealand linguistics language Language jokes politics useful stuff

5 notes

doctorhowmany:

doctorhowmany:

"i meant to go to bed three hours ago" a novel by me

"i got to sleep in the next day to make up for it" a fanfiction also by me

"i’m still awake making this fucking post about not going to bed instead of actually going to bed" the movie adaptation also written by me because i still haven’t gone to bed

Filed under GPOY my life i am stupid

160,764 notes

beybrowsforthegods:

thevisualhag:

‘12 SHOES for 12 LOVERS‘

by Chilean-born, New York-based designer Sebastian Errazuriz.

The pieces reflects on the recollection of the artist’s personal and sexual relationships with former lovers, each of whom became the influence for a series of shoe sculptures. 
Each day, Errazuriz released one image of a new heeled design, completed by an accompanying photo of the footwear’s muse and a small, often explicit story about the duo’s escapades together.

’12 shoes for 12 shoes’ will exhibit at the pop-up shop of Brazilian shoe brand Melissa from December 6th, 2013 to January 6th, 2014 for Art Basel Miami Beach 2013.

these are fucking AMAZING

Hot Bitch Caroline, hells yeah.

(via poppynotliketheflower)

Filed under accurate GPOY fashion

39,306 notes

Basics

Name: Caroline
Age:  20
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Gayyy.

Favorites

Food: PASTA.
Drink:  Can I be boring and say water?
Book: Looking for Alaska. 
Favorite Author: John Green.
Movie: Ten Inch Hero.
TV Show:  Supernatural. Doctor Who is a close second.
Band/group:  IOS. I think? I don’t know.
Solo Artist: Frank Turner.
Place: Denmark.
School Subject: Drama.
Sport: Dance, gymnastics.
Male Actor: Jensen Ackles.
Female Actor: Scarlett Johannson

Life

Best Friends: Jepha and Tom.
Siblings:
James.
Dream Job:  Actress & Author (technically that second one already is my job, but I’m not exactly earning a living off it yet).

Languages: English, Danish, Spanish, NZSL, currently learning Dutch and French, about to start learning ASL, trying to get my Tok Pisin competency up, and dipping into Maori a bit.

Tumblr

Reason Behind URL: Doctor Who + Sign Language.
Reason Behind Icon: Haven’t found anything good to change it to since April Fools.
Why You Joined: My Not-Quite-Boyfriend at the time used to send me quotes from KaelahBee’s blog, so I joined to follow her.
First URL: kya-chan
# of Blogs: I have kya-chan saved in case I want it, but it redirects to my main blog. I really only have the one.

(Source: jimmyhoward, via highfunctioningdarklordofall)

Filed under my life facts about me! Ask Me

80,008 notes

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad:
Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad:
Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad:
Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad:
Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad:
Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad:
Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad:
I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad:
Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad:
Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad:
Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad:
It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad:
Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad:
*puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad:
My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad:
Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad:
Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad:
I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad:
Fuck the government.
Dad:
Fuck the school board.
Dad:
Close the door.
Dad:
Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad:
I love puns.
Dad:
People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad:
Please shut up.
Dad:
Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad:
I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad:
I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad:
You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad:
Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad:
I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad:
If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad:
They act like I care what they think.
Dad:
I hate homework.
Dad:
I have decided to become a politician.
Dad:
What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

Filed under perfect quotes useful stuff

7,125 notes

livesandliesofwizards:

Neville’s office isn’t in the castle.  Well, there is technically a room assigned to him (third floor, fifth door on the right, mind the re-located portrait of Sir Cadogan).  But if you needed help with your Herbology assignment or were sent to see the Head of Gryffindor House about that parakeet you snuck into the fifth floor girl’s toilets, you would never find him there.
Neville had a small cottage near the greenhouses.  There had been some grumbling about its creation when Neville first started teaching, but it was hard to argue with the Minister’s favorite advisor who just happened to be a hero.  So the cottage was built and young Mr. Longbottom and his new wife moved onto the Hogwarts grounds.
There was a steady stream of students coming in and out of the little house during class breaks.  Some carried odd potted plants, some looks of guilt etched on their faces, and some simply dropped by to say hello.  The windows had bright curtains and the chimney always cheerfully puffed smoke.  It was hard not to feel welcomed by the cozy exterior.
Things were different after night fell.  Students still weren’t allowed to wander the grounds at night, but everyone turned a blind eye to those who knocked on the cottage door under cover of darkness.  These students carried no gifts and bore no cheery smiles.  Their faces were tear-stained or bruised or fearful.  They were hunched over, trying to make themselves as small as possible.  They knocked on the door with shaking hands and trembling lips. 
When they entered they would find a crackling fire, a squashy armchair, some of Hannah Longbottom’s famous ginger biscuits and a steaming cup of tea.  And they would find Professor Longbottom, smiling kindly.  He heard stories of homesickness, of bullies and taunts, of fears and failures.  He dried tears and patted backs.  And most importantly, he listened.  
He might quietly find a bully and intervene.  He might Apparate from the Three Broomsticks to the nearest Muggle town and place a call to a concerned parent.  He might consult with Madam Pomfrey on the best way to help manage the anxieties of an overwhelmed fifth year.  He might simply sit and give a firm and thoughtful piece of advice.  But this is not why students came to Professor Longbottom’s house when life was bleak and Hogwarts was too much to bear.
They came because he had once, so many years ago, been like them.  And because they, unlike him, would never have to be alone.
(written and submitted by ppyajunebug. This is another very sweet submission from this author. ppyajunebug’s wizarding world always feels like ultimately a good place, where wrongs are righted and people do kind things. It’s an inviting, pleasant look at canon; thank you, ppyajunebug!)

I may be crying actual tears right now.

livesandliesofwizards:

Neville’s office isn’t in the castle.  Well, there is technically a room assigned to him (third floor, fifth door on the right, mind the re-located portrait of Sir Cadogan).  But if you needed help with your Herbology assignment or were sent to see the Head of Gryffindor House about that parakeet you snuck into the fifth floor girl’s toilets, you would never find him there.

Neville had a small cottage near the greenhouses.  There had been some grumbling about its creation when Neville first started teaching, but it was hard to argue with the Minister’s favorite advisor who just happened to be a hero.  So the cottage was built and young Mr. Longbottom and his new wife moved onto the Hogwarts grounds.

There was a steady stream of students coming in and out of the little house during class breaks.  Some carried odd potted plants, some looks of guilt etched on their faces, and some simply dropped by to say hello.  The windows had bright curtains and the chimney always cheerfully puffed smoke.  It was hard not to feel welcomed by the cozy exterior.

Things were different after night fell.  Students still weren’t allowed to wander the grounds at night, but everyone turned a blind eye to those who knocked on the cottage door under cover of darkness.  These students carried no gifts and bore no cheery smiles.  Their faces were tear-stained or bruised or fearful.  They were hunched over, trying to make themselves as small as possible.  They knocked on the door with shaking hands and trembling lips. 

When they entered they would find a crackling fire, a squashy armchair, some of Hannah Longbottom’s famous ginger biscuits and a steaming cup of tea.  And they would find Professor Longbottom, smiling kindly.  He heard stories of homesickness, of bullies and taunts, of fears and failures.  He dried tears and patted backs.  And most importantly, he listened.  

He might quietly find a bully and intervene.  He might Apparate from the Three Broomsticks to the nearest Muggle town and place a call to a concerned parent.  He might consult with Madam Pomfrey on the best way to help manage the anxieties of an overwhelmed fifth year.  He might simply sit and give a firm and thoughtful piece of advice.  But this is not why students came to Professor Longbottom’s house when life was bleak and Hogwarts was too much to bear.

They came because he had once, so many years ago, been like them.  And because they, unlike him, would never have to be alone.

(written and submitted by ppyajunebug. This is another very sweet submission from this author. ppyajunebug’s wizarding world always feels like ultimately a good place, where wrongs are righted and people do kind things. It’s an inviting, pleasant look at canon; thank you, ppyajunebug!)

I may be crying actual tears right now.

(Source: damngoodyoga.com, via therewasnoknife)

Filed under Harry Potter sobbing

68,953 notes

640,715 Plays
Idina Menzel
Elsa has sex for the first time

nocakenz:

lacigreen:

onthewing:

anxietyblogger:

dengarde:

I was collecting the voice files from Disney Infinity when I noticed that Elsa’s are arranged and performed in a rather…amusing way.

Performed by Idina Menzel herself

im crying

What the fuck

???? uuuummmmm

This. is. the. best. fucking. thing. ever.

Sounds like she, ah, chokes on something in the middle there.

Filed under WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK frozen idina menzel